Under the Covers for Comfort
All day today I didn’t know what I really needed. What do I need? What am I feeling?
To be honest, I feel drawn towards nothing. No spark, no inspiration, not drawn to one thing over another. If anything, I feel tired and sluggish. And a little bit irritated at everything. I want to crawl under the covers and escape for a while.
Have you ever felt like this?
I feel this way more than I feel comfortable admitting. Depression runs deep, since before I was a teenager, and the spiritual aspect of this feeling runs even deeper.
Right now, I am in a phase of restructuring, rewiring, reprogramming as I am working through some old patterns, beliefs and traumas that are coming to the surface and begging to be let go of. Much of my focus has been on this, and continues through the month, as now is the time according to my spirit team.
I am shedding the imprints that stifled me and dimmed my light, as I work towards reclaiming my dark feminine energy and healing my womb space. I am moving through a childhood trauma that surfaced in the Autumn while I was deep in the clearing of our home from demonic beings. It’s … a lot. And, it’s a process, not to be done all at once. But I am being called to sit for some time with much of this lately.
So I have been in hermit mode and doing all the “things” we do when we dive deep into our emotions and the past that has shaped us into our current state of being. And as we realign, we find ourselves in these void spaces, where nothing feels good, nothing feels right and we are just sort of existing for a while as our whole being catches up with itself.
Today I am channeling my inner old lady. I sit here in my “house skirt” and faded fuzzy slippers with sponge rollers in my hair. I’ve not much energy for more than that. I am putting myself first, and tending to my needs. How can I help others if I am not taking care of myself?
Actual footage of me this afternoon.
Even though I don’t feel very inspired, I go with the flow today …some dancing with crystals (Apatite for the win), connecting to ancestors in trance (thanks, grandpa!) and making some of my favorite food for lunch (hello, raw garlic and green olives). Oh, and some Cyndi Lauper on the stereo.
I have piles of notes and journals around me with all of my current projects, writings and ideas, an overflowing inbox and a sink full of dishes. Yet I can’t bring myself to act on any of it.
And I have to honor that. So much emphasis has been on not being so hard on myself when I am on the lower end of a healing cycle.
I asked my spirit team in frustration, “what do I need today??? "
I was shown what I really needed was to share this. Share how it feels to be so vulnerable and yet still so worthy. To remind you guys that it is okay to feel this way sometimes! It happens. How boring would a healing journey be without the lows along with the highs?
This is not a “peace, love and light” fluffy kind of journey. We can’t bypass our feelings, emotions and cycles of healing. We have to face them boldly and head-on. That is how we get to the other side of the dark tunnels we find ourselves in.
The light is always there, even when we can’t comprehend it.
When I was going through my darkest Dark Night of the Soul a big message was to surrender and embrace how I was feeling, even when it felt terrible. I resisted this message so much! And it would have really benefited me to follow that guidance. As I go through multiple dark nights, initiations and void spaces I learn more and more how to lean into the act of surrender and have gratitude for all of the experience, even on days like today.
We are so programmed to believe if we are not in “productive mode” then we are wasting time. We put this pressure to perform on ourselves and to always be working, healing or improving ourselves. But sometimes, doing nothing is also really productive. It is a part of the healing process and to be recognized and honored as such.
So today … I will finish this new blend of mint tea I have been enjoying, crawl under the covers with one of the many unread books on my bedside table, and have some leftover Cadbury creme eggs until I feel back in the flow. And that is totally okay.
Which book is calling me next?
Is this ever you? Share in the comments below!
Dawn Marino is a certified crystal energy healer and she connects to the spirits and energies of crystals for healing, channeling their messages and wisdom. Dawn is also a spiritual medium and channeler, trance healer, intuitive tarot reader, energy-infused artist and professional writer. She is the author of the Tarot Journal for Beginners and The Complete Guide to Tarot. Dawn works with people going through the Dark Night of the Soul, helping them realign with their Higher Selves and move forward on their path.
For support, please visit healbydawn.com.
